Yesterday I saw Hancock for the second time. I enjoyed it. SO what if it wasn't the biggest, greatest, superhero story ever. I laughed as if on cue and it was a great holiday distraction most especially considering my full plate. It was worth staying up all night for two days just to catch up and I hope I find Hellboy and The Dark Knight even more enjoyable.

I'm lamenting the loss of San Diego. I was looking forward to going. It's a very big convention and I need to do more for my book, but work is piled too high and the cost of it and the fact that rooms are hard to come by without paying an arm and a leg. I have to be realistic. Baltimore is closer and more doable so I'll plan for that. I'm feeling a bit burnt out and I'm hearing the siren's song of how hard it is to do a project alone. How there's no pay off, and how it's so much easier to just settle in and work for others. That's all well and good but it's not satisfying. I may not be as able or as excited as I was when I first started but it's given me a sense of worth that I didn't have before. I wouldn't trade that for the best work-for-hire project in the world.

I'm cursed never to get a good rest ever again! There's always something that NEEDS to be done. Today I should have some time in the morning to try to rest; but NO, obligations secondary to drawing and family maintenance will crowd out very rare and valuable down time. It's like I don't have the right to say I can't do something. People feel short changed. So after yet another night of working until 4am and getting up @ 6:30am I'm popping aspirin to battle down the headache and washing it down with massive doses of caffeine to stay awake. I've got to be frosty and informative. Prep my notes and pack my bags because right after the lesson I have to hit the road. I'm so tired right now I could scream!


I'm gonna paint this along with the third and fourth issue's covers in my spare time.

With a 24 hour break in my schedule I'm playing catch up even with my pleasures. As much as I've been aching to read Blade of the Immortal I've been less than enchanted with the dragged out prison story line. I opted to collect it only after it's done. SO! to that end I've begun my hunt first on Amazon then to the Manga summaries to get a better idea of when the long suffering will be over. In the process I came across an interesting article about plagiarism. Some of the cases in point were shocking, some I have heard of, and others were a tossed in stretch. This is a subject of great concern to me as an artist. It's exactly why I don't really keep comic books to lessen any influence. It's why I don't admire any Artists and why I hide work. No one wants to stand accused. I don't understand why people do it, most especially all of those pathetic Clamp rips! GEEZUS!

The ones I found disturbing were the attempts to discredit Slam Dunk! I never read the manga but the examples that were shown were not plagiarized. I think a book about basketball should look like people playing basketball. The Artist should do his homework before he starts to draw so that the audience is put in mind of the feel of real basketball. As much as I enjoyed Gun Smith Cats back in the day ('til it got really sexually creepy!) it did not sink in that the characters were in America. The odd, unrecognizable, streets were not believable and even in Chinatown here in NYC the medicine shops don't look like that. Would it have hurt the Artist to buy a reference book? Apparently so.

I feel like it's dangerous to even talk about this. But I'd like to open the door to my own process. Maybe it will help others who feel lost on how to approach a page. First I'll say DON'T LOOK IN OTHER COMICS FOR GUIDANCE! Read the script, visualize, and try to sketch out what you see in your mind's eye. A good panel describes the action in a single picture. No matter how detailed, the picture shouldn't be moving like a 3 sec. reel of film. The whole page should give you that feeling after all of the panels have been put down.

Know your characters. In the real world of deadlines there isn't always a lot of time to get to know the characters. When you're drawing an established character there are already set movements and body types that you must draw. Spiderman web slinging in those crouched positions. The Classic Superman homage. It's part of that character, your creative choices become limited to angle and style. But for your own you should sketch to develop those signatures that are unique to your character. We all want to draw eye candy. We see it in the art we pick up and think wow, I wanna do something that powerful. It's not going happen if you don't study human anatomy and perspective. If you never look at the body in motion you can't draw it in motion, and foreshortening is a bitch no matter how many times you've drawn it. It's a constant state of study. I'm still learning and most of the time I feel very shaky. No matter how you go about your acquaintanceship you're not going to find through copying someone else's signature. You'll get their style and their mistakes and you won't be recognizably you.




I'm reluctant to post my personal sketches, but as I gear up to show more of Yume's arguably better half I though it would be fun to see.

That's it! I'm expecting only good days for the rest of the month and woe be tide to those who'd stand in my way! Have you ever just had it? You just HAD ENOUGH? Yeah well, that's me right now and not over one particular thing but a combo of crap.

Buying a sketch book and just sitting down with it has done wonders for me. I feel like I've found something and I know I had been missing the benefit of being able to work out my characters off of the final boards. I'm revisiting figure drawing and heroic proportions. I'd like to develop more fluidity in my backgrounds and just relearn to love the art of sketching which really became the bane of my existence. I hate drawing @ cons. Crowds make me nervous and I suffer from gross feelings of inadequacy as it is then having to sketch magnifies those feelings ten fold almost to a point of a phobia. I can't say that I like it very much now that my work is being compared to manga. I think that's hurting what little standing I have as a comic book artist. I'm getting looked down on again and more than anything else that belittling is rattling my self confidence. I hate this business.

... A minute to breathe! So I went to Wizard World Philly over the weekend. It was surprisingly a relaxing and a very slow Con. It was considerably smaller than in previous years. I hadn't been able to attend in a while so seeing what had been my favorite convention so diminished was very sad.

I had an epiphany last night. I realized that I no longer sketch. I used to have sketch books where I worked out characters and such, but I've been so consumed by deadlines and the pressures of the industry and running my home concurrently that I lost a very important step in my creative process. I realized that's why both Yume and Ever still feel like strangers to me and why I'm so hesitant to complete the next issue where the characters change significantly. So the remedy is simple. I must sketch.

MoCCA is the next con on my list and the last until San Diego. I have to finish 2 books of Yume and Ever before then. Even saying so sounds crazy, but it's true. I've also been sewing like a one man sweat shop. It's therapy during my down minutes. There's no shortage on what to do, just a shortage of time.

Aside from the usual deluge of work, I have made a VERY BIG MISTAKE on an assignment, and I do mean big! And it's too late to fix it!!!!! I could jump off of something high! WHY can't I do anything right??!!! I truly didn't notice it at all, not for the life of me. Now I'm here building my own cross to hang on, rather trying to vent it out so that I can move on and not be late. My penance begins... nbc.com ... my first is the current Graphic Novel on Heroes.

Now I'm gonna post something edge-worthy. The first pic from Yume and Ever: Uniforms, color Special #2.




I wanted to use it as a cover but it's too racy. This is one of the books that will be printed in color during the first story arch. Unlike the first colored special, Uniforms has nothing to do with continuity. It's a show case of what's under the skins. I'm experimenting with color and styles of painting and choosing exotic locations, trying to remind myself that I like comics and art. (Don't mind me, I'm still grieving).

Wizard World Philly is coming up fast. I'm not as ready as I should be, but I'm hoping to get some new poster art done. I thought about using the one I just posted but again, too risky. What do you think?

... an embarrassing experience that over shadowed my enjoyment.
I got to see Ironman last night with the Marvel crew. It was great! Worth seeing. Robert Downey Jr. was the quintessential Tony Stark. The movie was funny at times and relevant to today, a very simple, pleasant update for an old friend. I left the theater in the right mood and was promptly introduced to an Asshole. The friends who I was sandwiched between are the vocal, instigative, sort. They're fun to see movies with and the commentary was appropriate given the comfortable setting. it's important to note here that none of them are of the African American persuasion, only I am dark skinned. The Asshole I was introduced to happened to be sitting in the row in front of us. He joked that he thought that "black people" were sitting behind him and pointed at me and said was it you? with a big grin. Okay, I let it go, nothing to say really besides that everyone had fun (and I don't think that I sound like a man). But he said it again, and accused me again. Laughing about "black people" over and over. I felt uncomfortable and perhaps I should have said so. I'm Hispanic, I can't help how I look and I'm not ashamed of who I am. I felt his prejudice eyes on me and recognized the ignorance in his voice. I walked away leaving everything very polite. It's hard to know how to react when your blindsided. Later my friend who made the introductions tried to explain it away by saying that it's all the fault of where the Asshole was born, the ignorance and racial segregation of his kinfolks, don't blame him. No one should have to suffer that. I expect more from the modern society I live in. Perhaps I am naive, I thought I was accepted because of who I am and what I do. I don't like having smoke blown up my ass. I rather be known for my work than for my face. The art is important, but if I can't even get past that with my peers... yeah. I don't need anyone to spell out my short comings, I'm brown skinned, left handed, and I'm a woman; BELIEVE ME I know how the deck is stacked. Then I have the audacity to try to draw comic books??!!!! Oh string me up! Luckily for me I'm not readily introduced to anyone as an Artist, I get to be that "black person" in the back.

No pictures today.

I took a small job to keep the lights on and now I'm regretting it. I have 2 conventions in May 2 weeks apart and a lot of prep work left to do. Storage space is desperately needed and OH, the next two books need to get to the printer ASAP. I say 2 because of the one coming out at the same time as the first issue, another regret on many levels because working alone is getting harder as Ariotstorm grows and I still need to freelance.

There's a distinct feeling that I have now that's different from the anxiety I had before I sold the first book. Not panic, not really overwhelmed... defeated maybe? I chalk it up to being tired all of the time and now I can't do anything to relax or take my mind off of things because every minute of the day must be utilized. No more books or manga reading (unless I'm leaving offerings for the porcelain god). I'm gonna try to catch Ironman, but I shouldn't because of the time it will cost me; and having to watch every little thing that I put in my mouth is beginning to depress me!

OKAY! Mood lifter... let's talk comics. So Since I can't read anything that's not a super secret script or Yume and Ever I'll talk about Yume and Ever. In the first issue, which is the only silent issue, the bad guys unleash Pandora. In the Black issue I'll give the "how we got here" to the first issue. Why? Because a silent book makes you ask questions that you'll fear will never be answered. I don't like that anymore than the next person, but the first issue being done that way is more important to the survivors and their interpretation of events in the years to come. Who will lie? Who will fall from grace? Why?


Here's an eliminated page from the first issue. I should say reworked. If you've already gotten the first issue then you've heard my spiel about the military trained young Heroes who save the day. This is not a big brother type or evil, conniving, government. The children they raised are protected soldiers. They weren't supposed to fight Pandora, but you'll have to get the second issue to see how they got involved, hehe!!

... from the convention and the very warm response to my book. I was so surprised. I got to meet some of my LJ friends which was a major plus and that you took the time to talk to me and reiterate some of the points that you've already written lit the proper fire under me to get to tagging and putting up the disclaimers.

I'm still wiped out. I can't believe how tiring an experience a con is, but I wanted to be sure to throw up a great big thank you for all of your support and kindness ;0)

"NOT THIS WEEK!!!" I prayed while rushing out of the door every single day since my last post. It's been a miserable time. I even lost the weekend because my young Nephew was over. Nothing that I planned got done, it's extremely frustrating.

BTW booth # 2253 in the Exhibitor's area is where I'll be sitting @ the NYC comic con with my friend Rashida Lewis. She self publishes her own title, Sandstorm.

That tidbit brings me around to something that sticks in my craw. Are we ready for another wave of "Here comes the Nerds" headlines?? It seems as if comics are only about the big boy companies and the weirdos that support them. Okay, I admit to my eccentricities; but, I'm part of a legitimate industry not a sideshow circus. I'm not a child trapped in an adult body either. I guess I'm just preaching to the choir here. We all know that comic books a have a long history and a rich tapestry, and wearing a cape in public is balls out freedom not a form of autism. Excelsior baby!

Check this out.


It's the raw scan of page 14 from my book, Yume and Ever. This is the only issue without words, it didn't start out that way. But two thoughts crossed my mind while I was drawing it.

1. I had this epic battle all scripted with narration, raking screams and special word balloons. How perfectly unnecessary. After years of reading titles like Infinite Crisis you know the drill. So I tried a little art experiment. Do I have to say the word chaos or can it be conveyed with frantic panels? Do I describe the Monster's terrible power or would you rather see it? Finally do I tell you when it's over, or is that a collective sigh that's heaved along with the characters at the end?

2. It only takes minutes to read a comic book. I get so wrapped up in the words that I don't really notice the art the first time around, and the tiny paneling of manga made that even worse. SOOOO much effort goes into every damn page, an unnecessary amount I find at times. Who's gonna notice the different windows and miniature furniture in the wrecked buildings ? But I draw it anyway because it needs to be there or else the page does not look finished.




This is the finished page as it appears in the book before it was lettered (there is some lettering in the book). Drawing and painting the page was only half of the battle. The cleaning threatens to set you mad! I'll get into that rant another day :0)

My God, how I've been agonizing about this, but since it's been eating at me for a week now I'll just come right out with it. I just wish I had good news, even one time you know... all the bad stuff is starting to pull me down.

Last week I took my kid to a Children's Convention in the Bronx just as a thing to do. My book is not for children and I wouldn't dare sit at such a venue. It was a gem of a con, completely unexpected and very nice for the kids. I go to see folks that I typically don't see until I go to Philly so that was an added bonus. Now for the kick in the pants. On my way out my friend had hesitated to point out to me that the Organizers of the con had ripped an image off of my website and used it in a collage in the promotional posters for the convention. At first I had no thought one way or the other. Then it came back to bite me. Without the name of the book or the characters or my name my characters are non descript and as good as public domain. I was not the first to the market and now I can only pray that there will be no further repercussions.

Well, you can't hide from demons or disappointment so I've posted another page from Yume and Ever. This was the last page of the Rogue Amendment preview book. I collect the ol' black and white Conan books with the painted covers when ever I can find them. That's the one book, aside from Robotech, that I'd LOVE to draw! I know I won't wanna see this page ever again really so I thought I'd better show it.

...By how absolutely absurd even the little things can be these days. 2 days ago I went into one of the IRS' big branches here to throw myself @ their mercy. No one will touch my LLC filing as a pass through entity on my personal. I'm accustomed to going to an IRS office to do my taxed anyway, I just never went to a big one. I was sure that they would help me, just as sure as I was wrong. To make a long story very short. I was in and out of there in under 5 minutes, I went to Staples down the block and and spent all day yesterday and most of today doing my taxes. It was in swahili! All the language and the blinding questions, and I loved the "HIGH AUDIT RISK" bar at the end. If I was a drinking woman I'd be six sheets to the wind right now.

Immediately after that crisis was over I got a message that my main site was acting goofy connecting to a parked page courtesy of Go Daddy... ...It's not even with Go Daddy! ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! So I put on my web site hat and spend the rest of the afternoon figuring out what went wrong.

Now for the silver lining...
... There is good in every situation. Take my tax nightmare, now I know how to file it myself and if you call the IRS before you efile or mail they'll go over it line by line for you. Here's their number...
individual taxes (800) 829-1040
business taxes (800) 829-4933
And you get to hear the Nut Cracker suite played out of season, I donno if that counts as a bonus.

Through the funny business with the web site, I've learned it's not so hard to create what I need to sell the book and I won't have to leave .mac. I just have to settle down and work on it.

BTW can someone check my handiwork? Tell me if ariotstorm.com actually goes to my site. Don't type the www's in. My Safari browser is biased it didn't show me the problem. Only Firefox told me the truth, but I'd like to know it's fixed before I go drinking and wenching aplenty... say, what's the male form of wench?



Now I'm gonna show you something old. This is a page from my first attempt @ a creator owned comic. It's called Ningyo:Solveig and I do plan to get back around to it one day. See, the problem was I tried it with other people. I only handled the penciling and the writing. Usually the Penciler is the slow one but three books in for me and my team was still working on issue 1. I went to print with a penciled version of the first issue, but that was as far as I could get. Why show this? Because this made Yume and Ever happen and just yesterday I got the inked version of the page as a jpeg. Ningyo's first issue is STILL not done. This is the only inked page. It was a big blow that taught me a the most valuable lesson of all...

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS YOU CAN'T DO IT.

You can learn anything, you can work hard, and you can do it.

Every day is a new surprise. Take today for instance, it just hit me that the Con is a little over two weeks away! I'm scrambling to get everything ready. I haven't even printed any posters, the postcards might not arrive in time. I didn't update my main site since the last time it rained frogs! I don't even know where I'm sitting! AAAAAAA! So I've decided to slip into a creative coma. Everything will fall into place. I've made a to do list and I cleared most of it off. As for the Book, well I do have the first issue and that's a very big plus. The Con is right here in the city so travel is easy. I've come to terms with not being able to get the book into stores before September. It's a good thing in a good way because it's a lot of work and begging to get the attention of stores. I'll have all summer to trek up and down to conventions and hopefully get noticed. Ya know, NONE of this has anything to do with drawing. It's a time consuming distraction facilitated by the need to pay rent. I'd go live in an artist commune if I didn't have to worry about the kool-aid!

This is issue 12's cover. It made me draw it. I'm thinking of pushing it back into the fall arch because if the colors.

I've been hearing about what I can't do all of my life. I was so ashamed to admit that I am an Artist that to this day I don't like to say it. See? Even now... I'm a comic book Artist, not a fine Artist, and it was an unbelievable struggle. From the Teacher who first told me that girls just don't draw comics to Retailers who now say that my book will be too hard of a sell, it's an up hill battle all the way. Don't think for a minute that I buy any of the talk. I draw because I want to tell a story, my story. I'd draw if no one else existed in the world. I draw when I'm sick, upset, happy, tired. I dream about what I'm gonna draw. Creating is my foremost thought.

I've only recently fallen back in love with drawing, and it's still more of a compulsion than something I feel in my heart. For a long time it was just a pay check and I lived in fear of when I'd no longer be useful to the companies I worked for. It's a business for sharks, you've gotta keep swimming or you drown. That reality crowded out my ideals. Two years ago something snapped and I said no more. If I had to go like that I'd rather walk away. It's not why I kept drawing as a kid. I'm here to tell a story and there's room for everyone, even me.

SO! With that, I'm gonna figure this thing out very soon. If anyone is interested I'll start selling April 18th at the NYC Comic Con. I'm changing my web site and I'll sell direct from there until I build enough of a fan base for stores to take notice.


This is the cover from the preview book that I did and I've since scrapped. The Issue is part of the Rogue Amendment story arch, so It'll come up again.

That's my week so far. The books finally came, I just wanna know why everything has to be a learning experience! Finally I have all of the documents I need to file my taxes. I usually go right to the IRS but this year I considered doing it myself. Is that as crazy as it sounds? Has anyone else gone DYI?

BTW that's the cover for the first issue. I'm so excited that my stomach is sick.

All of the great Heroes are dead! Yeah, just like that wiped out on mass. Even the villains who unleashed Pandora didn't expect to be so successful.

You know the drill. Nefarious evil-doers hatch a diabolical scheme to rule the world; Super heroes unite to halt their odious plans. One epic battle later, the day is saved and almost everybody goes home happy (except for the one B level hero who has to die for dramatic effect). Even the bad guys are comfortable with that. It's the status quo until they actually succeed.

Yume and Ever is a blend of styles. My free flowing thoughts, things that I wasn't allowed to draw, rules that are hardly ever broken. I've never done much humor or chibi before, this but it was fun to try.

In the first issue there is a great tragedy. You'll get to see it, you'll meet all of the future players as kids, and you'll know what made them or broke them without my biased narration. It's like a dream that the players will interpret differently as the story goes on.

Hence the play on words with the title of the book... Yume's name means dream in Japanese. Ever is the leading male. Together the kanji in the logo reads dreaming forever.

y
This is my last day of corrections. Tomorrow it's all Yume and Ever, Yay! I"m starting to feel the burn of reality. I mean, it's about to happen. This book was my guilty little pleasure. I'd work on it when I had the time or I needed a distraction from other work. It was my trial by fire so that I could learn Photoshop and Illustrator, now it's a heck of a lot more. It's starting to drive me. I need to work harder and more seriously.

I finally saw Babel. Before that I watched Heaven and I threw in a few Japanese horror movies. I listen to more tv than I watch but I decided to have a celebratory movie night. I wasn't disappointed but I'm still looking for that sweet really scary movie experience. Any suggestions?

With any luck at all I will have the first issue's run in hand before this coming friday. After a whole lot of work and sweating and learning, by george, I think I got it. A couple thousand copies have been printed and I'm getting ready for the Convention here in NY in April. I'm reluctant to send the book for review because I've had problems with swiping. I don't want to risk a leak right at the finish line, now I know how the Companies I work for feel. Nothing is sacred and your product can easily get away from you. BUT I need to advertise and really figure out what I'm gonna do here in the next few weeks.

On a lighter,less nerve wracking note, I made my deadline and I'm back on my own book. Now I'm as happy as I am anxious.

Two more weeks and I'm freeeeee! I used my first check to pay for half of the printing for my first issue. I should be getting the proof this week and that's what it's all about. Next on the list is a nice aggressive marketing campaign. Yeah, so easy, HA!

Well! I finally saw Beowulf... ... ... totally disappointed. Not so much in the visuals, thought I'm no great fan of CGI, but the story! WHY was that done to our oldest written tale? I walked around with a few books as a kid. Poems of Shakespeare, the Divine Comedy, Chaucher's Canterbury tales, and Beowulf. I could never read them enough. They, among others, sparked a life long love of reading and fantasy. I'm not gonna preach too much but I really wonder why our generation feels the need to "humanize" everything. There really are no heroes left. Case in point, did you see Alexander? Did you need to see that? We all know he said "a man will fight harder for his Lover than he will for his Country" but that not why he's remembered. So now I have to make sure that my kid doesn't see this version of Beowulf lest it be forever burned into his mind that the template for King Arthur was a demon- screwing Liar.

...I'm suffering under the weight of all this work but it's for a good cause, I guess.

An interesting opportunity fell into my lap with regards to my own book. EBooks. Sell it as an EBook as well as a hardcopy. Interesting indeed, but I'm sure that there are unforeseen repercussions. Would it negate the hardcopy? Personally I like a printed book. I guess I could reach more people. It's a rough road trying to circumvent Diamond. I have to beg stores to carry my book one by painful one. No matter what it is another venue so it's worth a try and this way the color book that I can't afford to print can still be seen. Any thoughts?